it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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