she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
