I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
