hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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