Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
