just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
