so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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