Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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