you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
please come you make the beer taste better
Redeem this text for a blowjob
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize