Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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