Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
