he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
