i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
