You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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