I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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