it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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