i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
