i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
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One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
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