It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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