I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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