dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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