So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
