just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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