i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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