At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I intend to get homeless drunk
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
