He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
