Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
