If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
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wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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