...so i touched it.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
