I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We're too hungover to prance.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
