He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
