i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
