He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
