shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
