No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
