That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
