You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
