i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
