Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
