it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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