Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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