I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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