I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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