I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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