also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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