It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
