At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
