do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
