she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
