So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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