Michael Bay diarrhea
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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