Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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