you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
