Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
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Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
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He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.