I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"