I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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