I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
