He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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