Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
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Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
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im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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